Yes, you do. You deserve to take up the space you need in the world.
I have noticed an interesting thing happening in my life over the last couple of years of menopause. I am no longer willing to sacrifice my comfort for trivial reasons. After a lifetime of turning my attention to other people’s emotional, social, and physical comfort, I am finally putting myself first.
Now, by “putting my comfort first, “ I DON’T mean that I’ve given up on change or that I refuse to move out of my comfort zone. Quite the contrary! No, I’m talking about finally getting to know what works for me, then having the nerve to make it happen.
As women, we often have a habit of self-sacrifice, and a reluctance to take up space in the world with our needs, desires, and yes, even our physical presence. This self sacrifice is expressed in lots of little ways. We let the gentleman next to us on the plane take up both armrests when we have none. We accept an undesirable table (or meal) in the restaurant because we don’t want to make a fuss. We forgo the most comfortable, well-made shoes/bra/underwear because we don’t want to spend the money on ourselves. We listen quietly to offensive remarks without speaking up because we don’t want to be rude. We don’t ask for what we need because we don’t want to appear demanding.
Personally, I’ve had enough of that. I don’t want to go throughout the second half of my life squished into half of a tiny seat, wearing a pinchy bra, drinking cold tea, and keeping quiet. The irony is, in order to start being more comfortable in the world, we have to stretch out of our comfort zone.
This can be REALLY hard. The external conversations can be hard: “Excuse me, I’d like to move, I am not comfortable at this table.” “I’m sure you didn’t mean that remark to sound sexist, but it did, and that makes me uncomfortable.” These are hard conversations to have. But the even more difficult conversations are the inner ones: “$125 for a bra? Is my freedom from itchy stabby underwires really worth $125?” Or: “Won’t they all think I’m a diva if I ask for a private room at the retreat?” Or: “It’s really not that bad. I’ll just eat it.”
The voices we really need to overcome are the inner ones telling us that our comfort and well-being are less important than that of others.
Once you allow yourself to take up a little more space in the world, once you start wearing silk bras and sending back unacceptable meals and claiming your armrests and reminding folks not to be offensive around you, it gets easier. It gets easier because you feel stronger, more empowered, and, yes, more comfortable. And if you need any incentive beyond that, this actually will make you a kinder, more relaxed person. Because you’ll be more comfortable. And that’s good.
Can you try just one thing today to claim your comfort? And I’d love to hear from you on this – has the menopausal journey made you less willing to sacrifice yourself? How?
Love,
Bronwyn
